i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
