Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
