I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
