Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
