You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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