we're blogging at a bar
Umm I'm too high to move.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
