so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
