I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
