I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
