Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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