he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
