i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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