We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
