Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
