She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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