I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She's the barista slut.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
