I am puke
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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