I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
