I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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