and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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