If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
