that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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