his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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