Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
