she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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