I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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