my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
only you would photoshop your dick
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
