My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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