he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
