So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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