So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
