Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
