Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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