Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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