I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
