Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
