my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
