You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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