No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
