If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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