I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
