So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
