I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
