Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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