I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
