I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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