I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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