Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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