he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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