Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
