you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
