Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
