right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
